Today, is mine…

Have you ever stepped back, taken a look at your life & decided you’d like to press rewind & start over? At the beginning of July I did just that – but of course, being 28 & living in the real world – “starting over” isn’t so much an option as “starting fresh from this point on.” So, playing the hand I’ve been dealt & trading those few cards I can – I’ve done some serious closet cleaning – physically, emotionally, mentally, & literally.

I’ve spent this past month being selfish, focusing on me, purging my life & my apartment of unnecessary books, clothes, people, shoes, furniture, weight, dishes… you get the point. It feels amazing. This is the first time in years that I feel like I’m living my life, for me – with very few exceptions – and those exceptions are my goal for next month! As of this week – I’ve lost, dropped, or just plain given the boot to a few shelves of books, 3 bags of clothes, 5 pairs of shoes, 2 bags of kitchen stuff, & 18 pounds of me! Not to mention the healthy relationships I’ve fostered, and the negative ones I’ve shown the door. It’s amazing what a little selfishness can do!

Amidst the “life-spring-cleaning” I’ve also finally found the balls to start my own blog & pursue my dream of writing – something I’ve been too apprehensive to do for years. For so long I’ve told myself that it’s not a pliable option – and because of that have suppressed so many things I’ve really wanted to try. Like putting myself & my writing out there for the world to read, criticize, and God forbid – possibly even enjoy. So, thank you, to my handful of “readers” you know who you are. Thank You for being my guinea pigs, and for giving me another reason to pursue what I love.

~ m

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All things considered…

… I think of myself as a pretty standup individual. A smart cookie, a real catch, complete with morals, personality, goals & aspirations. But once in a blue moon (like tonight) I  have one of those moments where I reflect on something I’ve done – and wonder what the fuck was I thinking?

With today being Friday, I had a handful of tempting invitations from different friends & cohorts to go out, whoop it up, & cause a little hell. I opted instead for a quiet night at home with a good book, peaceful patio & glass of wine – not a bad decision in my opinion. Moments into my serene evening the silence was broken by a small, pathetic, plea for help. It was coming from the blackberry tangled ravine below my 3rd story apartment & seemed to be of the feline persuasion. Being the kind hearted fool that I am, I decided to go downstairs and make sure that no animals were being harmed during my evening of relaxation. After a few too many thorns, mosquitos & a garter snake  I stumbled onto the source of the squeaky SOS – a defenseless kitten, lost in the wild. We quickly made friends & he followed me to safety, at which point I considered my mission accomplished & started the trek back to the comfort of my 3rd floor sanctuary – only to find that my impressive heroism had caused this kitten to fall madly in lust with me & follow my lead.

Being the animal lover that I am, I made sure that he wasn’t hurt before urging that he find his own way home. It was then that our eyes locked & in that cute little kitten face I saw that it was my duty, as his hero to be sure that he was given a home and family of his own. Thus began the adventure of smuggling said kitten into my apartment, and onto the patio until I could give the situation a bit more thought. After some consideration (and peroxide – we had a slight misunderstanding upon reaching the 2nd floor where this scared little soul mistook my arm for a scratching post) I decided to make an appointment for the morning, to take him into a vet & see about having him placed in a foster home with the humane society (very noble of me, I know). With the appointment made, arm bandaged, new friend fed, and myself situated back on the patio to continue my interrupted evening of relaxation – I felt amazing. I had done the right thing, and this kitten was going to have a brand new life of comfort – all thanks to my selflessness.

It was about this time, as I was basking in the glow of my own awesomeness that I began hearing new cries from below my balcony – this time the cries were definitely not feline, but human – and calling for what sounded to be a creature quite similar to the one now stretched out on my lap.  Needless to say, within moments my title of selfless angel of goodwill & mercy turned to evil kidnapper of neighbors kittens. Now, when one lives on the 3rd floor, the options of escape are extremely limited – the stairs or the balcony. And, seeing as how I had already kidnapped their pet, I thought that tossing it from my balcony may cause unnecessary confusion. Thus, I snatched the kitten up – after giving him a very long & threatening “stank-eye” for having gotten me into this situation at all – raced down the stairwell, and plopped him at the bottom only pausing long enough to slightly trip on my way back up the stairs.

Now, here I am, back on the patio, wine glass in hand – making a resolution to not attempt any good deeds in the foreseeable future & to ignore any cries for help that may cross my path. The moral of this story is that being selfish and ignoring those around you does have it’s perks.

~ m

In the beginning…

This moment has been a long time coming – 28 years to be exact. From my first moments on the planet I knew that my purpose in life was to share my thoughts & opinions with others (yes, I was an extremely gifted & opinionated child). I soon found that on some occasions (though very seldom) there were people uninterested in hearing what I had to say & in those rare instances, after much confusion, I would proceed in sharing anyways – sometimes with my journal, other times with my dog (my first editor, critic, & fan).

When I grew up (at 9) I started realizing that these fortuitous thoughts of mine might sometimes be offensive to those around me – who’d have known. So, I began using my journal (& dog) more & more often, sharing my opinions less openly with others. As I’ve matured though (at 28) I’ve realized that it’s time for me to stop hiding these earth shattering epiphanies & instead share them freely – with the world at large.

Thus I invite you to ensnare yourself in my journal of insights, diary of confessions, and billboard of opinions – aka my blog.

~ m